r/news 7d ago

Phoenix family discovers 5,000 fentanyl pills inside daughter's thrift store toy

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/phoenix-family-discovers-5-000-fentanyl-pills-inside-daughter-s-n1258595
59k Upvotes

9k

u/todtown 6d ago

And AGAIN the baby goes free. When are we EVER going to learn!

1k

u/teebob21 6d ago

"Baby! Hey baby, go HOME! It's 3 AM!"

603

u/Buttholes_Herfer 6d ago

I got kids to feed!

305

u/WineNerdAndProud 6d ago

"I got weed and baby powder, whatcha need?"

138

u/Its_aTrap 6d ago

...alright, give me some weed!

→ More replies
→ More replies

42

u/actuarally 6d ago

Got DAMN!

→ More replies

111

u/huntingbears93 6d ago

“I said, Hey baby, it’s 3 in the morning, what the fuck are you doin out? He said, “come on n***a I’m sellin’ weed. Fuck you, I got kids to feed!”

30

u/Lil_S_curve 6d ago

Shit.... Lemme get 2 bags then

→ More replies
→ More replies

24

u/oscar0034 6d ago

I snuck in the club!

→ More replies

70

u/Zealot_Alec 6d ago

No jury in the world will convict a baby, maybe in Texas - Chief Wiggum

→ More replies

94

u/acemerald07 6d ago

Honestly just stoked the daughter didn’t find them and ingest any. Would have been a much worse headline.

→ More replies

24

u/EscapeToAtreyu 6d ago

Only way to stop a bad baby with drugs is a good baby with drugs

→ More replies

1k

u/partizan92 6d ago

Toy Story 5 plot leaked

591

u/WineNerdAndProud 6d ago edited 6d ago

Deadpool 3: Toy Story

A drug dealer and kingpin is getting young children sent to jail for possession of narcotics, only it's his own private jail where he converts them into mindless mutant enemies.

Deadpool swoops in to kill this guy, free all the kids, then takes roughly 6,645 fentanyl pills and sings either Mambo #5, or Spirit in the Sky in full costume.

Edit: Kissed by a Rose by Seal would also be a good one.

116

u/HoraceSchemer 6d ago

43

u/LifesSimpleDarwinism 6d ago

What in the hell did i just watch?! I'm strangely aroused! And will probably binge it! Thanks stranger!

35

u/Veldron 6d ago edited 6d ago

Absolutely brilliant show and one hell of a trip. Wonderful mix of genuinely gritty scenes and sinister characters perpetually contrasted by the complete insanity of it all. Fell to the classic curse of being canned by SyFy right in its prime

→ More replies

35

u/crappenheimers 6d ago

It's a fantastic show. Just be aware it was cancelled... and I didnt realize it was canceled when I way binging it. Imagine my disappointment when the next episode doesnt show up on the autoplay :(

22

u/UnclePhilandy 6d ago

It was a miniseries. They planned originally to do 4 Christmas, Easter they did do and then there were to be 2 more like 4th of July and Halloween. BUT they were never written.

Chris Merloni was EXCELLENT as was Patton Oswalt doing the voice.

It had a very Psych feel to it (comedy wise).

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

15k

u/Nice_Bake 6d ago edited 6d ago

Meanwhile another child is very upset that her mother donated her favorite toy, but not for the reason she thinks.

EDIT: These replies are like telling my mom a joke and getting a lecture

404

u/Batnu 6d ago

Holy shit it’s been a long time since I’ve seen such an accurate edit

1k

u/OfficeChairHero 6d ago

I felt your edit hard.

204

u/handlebartender 6d ago

This is why it took me so long to be casually comfortable telling my mom jokes.

Even then, there would be the unexpected lecture.

107

u/somhok 6d ago

I couldnt even talk to my mum at all, without it either turning into a lecture, her asking me to do a million tasks for her or asking about my school work. Now at 18 and moved out, you can guess we have no real relationship, as she knows nothing about me. I feel like the main thing i took away from them, was how not to act as parents lmao

46

u/hopefulcynicist 6d ago

I too left home at 18 for similar sounding reasons and didn't have much of a relationship with my mom for years.

I'm pushing 30 now and the older I get the more I realize that her heart was in the right place, even if her methods, execution, and expectations left something to be desired. She was doing the best she could with the time and tools she had.

Only recently have I started working hard to rebuild-- I set some boundaries, learned to say 'no' and generally set an expectation for mutual respect or bust.

Ya only got so many years with em, ya know? I just wish I'd started sooner.

24

u/somhok 6d ago

My parents are nigerian and christian. They basically did the bare minimum in everything in my life, apart from education. They loved me based on my achievements. Their love was not unconditional. I will always love them. However it is meaningless to try and amend a relationship that was never there. I have maybe 5% good memories in that house hold and even being there became bad for my mental health. It could have been different if they just saw things from anything but their own perspective, but they didnt want to.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

20

u/Doomncandy 6d ago

I'm so glad my mother, grandmother and I share the same dark cynical humour.

→ More replies

104

u/crazyprsn 6d ago

I felt it right in the dad.

→ More replies

29

u/casteela 6d ago

Same. I don’t bring my humor around my mom because I regret it every single time.

→ More replies
→ More replies

2k

u/HB1theHB1 6d ago

They need to check the thrift store employees. A cracker barrel in Birmingham was busted running drugs this way years ago. Put it in certain hidden stuffed animals in the gift shop, then have the buyer come in and purchase said toy and overpay the clerk.

1k

u/Taco_Soup_ 6d ago

This reminds me of Conan O’Brien probably 20 years ago talking about a Long John Silvers getting busted for running a marijuana ring. He said police were tipped off when people actually went to a Long John Silvers.

206

u/johnnyscarecrow0126 6d ago

Hush puppies from long John were bomb.

Also, what is taco soup. I want some.

94

u/postmodest 6d ago

and those li'l bits skimmed from the fryer. Hghghghghghgh.

49

u/baardvark 6d ago

Crunchies! Used to fight my sister for them.

37

u/col-fancypants 6d ago

It blew my mind when I learned you could order a "Boat of Crunchies." So I did, and the box of hush puppies. Sea dog heaven. We still have 2-3 open in my area.

→ More replies

20

u/rabidbasher 6d ago

Ill fight a motherfucker for some ljs crunchy bits. Haven't lived that life in so many years

→ More replies
→ More replies

37

u/DarlingDestruction 6d ago

I don't know if you're serious or not, but here is a really good chicken tortilla soup recipe, which one could argue is basically a crunchy taco in soup form.

https://www.budgetbytes.com/slow-cooker-chicken-tortilla-soup/

→ More replies
→ More replies

237

u/LarkspurLaShea 6d ago edited 6d ago

Hehehe, I remember that one. Golden Age Conan.

It was the same time as his joke: "it's been four days since US forces invaded Iraq and reports say that soldiers have run out of cigarettes. Conditions are so dire that some have resorted to smoking actual Camels."

31

u/jpark28 6d ago

Has Conan ever left the golden age? He's still hilarious

51

u/MarcBulldog88 6d ago

Assuming "Golden Age Conan" refers to his original '90s show, it's identifiable by its brand of humor. It had a lovable low budget vibe to it with absurdist one-off skits and music (anyone remember Three Inch Bees?).

They tried to keep the "In the Year 2000" skit after the year 2000, but it just wasn't the same. Conan is still hilarious and clever, and that's not something that'll change, but the flavor of his shows have definitely changed over time.

14

u/wearethehawk 6d ago

Three inch bees, masturbating bear, Triumph, so many good skits

10

u/MayorMcCheez 6d ago

Pimpbot 5000, "In the Year 2000", the list goes on and on.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

43

u/drewer23 6d ago

I went to a LJS one time back in college. The place was empty, all the lights were flickering, there was only one employee working, and I got this weird vibe that the Hash-Slinging Slasher was gonna walk through the door at any moment. Conan's joke makes a lot of sense.

→ More replies
→ More replies

1k

u/psychopythonmetrist 6d ago

That's pretty smart tbh

985

u/SuperHighDeas 6d ago

If they got caught it wasn’t smart enough

1k

u/JudgeHoltman 6d ago

It's almost always because they rely on junkies not screwing up the system.

You could stash a toy at a goodwill with a green sticker that sells for $1 and inevitably some junkie would walk out without paying for it only to have your entire operation blown up by someone investigating the shoplifter.

613

u/thoroakenfelder 6d ago

Never trust a junkie

268

u/AnotherClosetAtheist 6d ago

as a dealer

always trust them to be repeat customers!

182

u/tlibra 6d ago

True, but don’t trust them on the front. Payday never comes. Sob stories don’t spend.

149

u/NotC9_JustHigh 6d ago edited 4d ago

Off, I've got a story about that. Fucking Roy, a couple year ago when I moved to this apartment, he was in a wheel chair recovering from being run over. Eventually I find out he tried to steal crack from his dealer and his dealer ran him over lmfao.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, the local dealer is getting questioned by cops out of no where when he has a very legit job and the drug selling is a side hustle mostly to older people. Dealer later find out it was fucking Roy who ratted him out because Roy owed him a bunch of money from getting fronted weed(even worse) from getting fronted $400 for RENT. Never trust a junkie or even an ex junkie, sorry ex junkies'.

147

u/falthecosmonaut 6d ago

Ex junkie here. I used to be addicted to heroin and am going on 4 years clean now. I'm not even the same person I was before but I also never robbed anyone and never had shit fronted to me even while I was using. I was probably one of the few junkies who would sit there and just deal with the withdrawals until I had money or until someone was willing to share.

→ More replies
→ More replies

40

u/Sorrowspell 6d ago

Don't trust them with your money.

22

u/tlibra 6d ago

How funny. I’ve never heard it worded that way and it makes 100% sense.

18

u/HydrogenButterflies 6d ago

“If you think a crackhead’s payin’ you back, shit, forget it.” -The Notorious B.I.G.

→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/knitknitterknit 6d ago

Unexpected Ministry.

→ More replies

21

u/PDXbot 6d ago

Just one fix

→ More replies
→ More replies

454

u/enrtcode31 6d ago

Retired cop here. I flipped many people to snitch for me. Most were addicts. The moment an addict sees that they will spend time in jail for even a small offense and go through withdrawals there they will tell on thier family to get out. Sad but true.

Addiction is a terrible thing. In my opinion it should be a medical issue not a criminal one.

46

u/MrsMI1UCAN2 6d ago

Weed being federally legal needs to happen ASAP.

It will solve so many problems.

I've been growing my own for a few years since my state went legal and it legitimately changed my life. I lost 90lbs over that time, went off my blood pressure and anxiety meds, my liver enzymes plummeted to normal.

I'm glad I didn't discover it until age 50 because of the legal issues it could have presented in my life but on the other hand I probably wouldn't have spent 30 years drinking as much as I did, either.

→ More replies

167

u/MagnusTheGreat 6d ago

IMO, best way to deal with addiction is to give them a safe area to do their drugs and get help if they need.

If the government supplies them with good stuff and medical professionals that can monitor their doses, they are far less likely to OD or get some disgusting junk in their supply. And then they can also seek help from professionals when they're ready. If they relapse, they also won't be going back to their top doses, cause the people watching them have a better idea of the tolerance and even if they OD, the people watching them can help and save them.

Drug addicts are some seriously vulnerable people and society has failed them way too much. We need to provide them with safe areas or else we might as well just pull the trigger ourselves.

83

u/SocialJusticeWizard_ 6d ago

It's not just your opinion, at this point that's basically well understood scientific fact. Denying it is on the scale of antivax and climate denial, it's just more socially acceptable.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

35

u/calliopewoman 6d ago

Or someone was snitchin.

→ More replies

26

u/Pwnjabba 6d ago

Doesn't matter how smart the idea is because people cant be trusted, often these things are found because a customer or someone involved gets fucked over and talks to the police or something along those lines

→ More replies
→ More replies

29

u/OhMaGoshNess 6d ago

It isn't. It is extremely obvious people are being over payed and stuffing cash in pockets. It is a very stupid thing to do.

→ More replies

32

u/ggodfrey 6d ago

hands toy to thrift store cashier

“That’ll be $1.99”

pays it and adds a wad of $100 bills to the tip jar

23

u/Redwulf67 6d ago

Personally I think food delivery would be one of the easiest and least suspicious method.

Plenty of people order deliveries multiple times a week and no one bats an eye. You can pay for the food with a card, and give a cash tip that doesn't get recorded anywhere for the special sides.

18

u/codfishhhhh 6d ago

The pizza delivery driver is very well known in small towns.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

35

u/Morningfluid 6d ago

Not if someone else happens to buy said toy.

There's too much room for error and eyes.

40

u/sleepyguy- 6d ago

I would probably want the person picking up the drop to be eating lunch while I’m “stocking” the shelves, it’s not like you want the kilo bear on a shelf for a week.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

42

u/Cruel_Hand_Luke_ 6d ago

"Um, yes, I would like to purchase this stuffed bear."

That will be fifty thousand dollars.

"Here you are"

And ten's your change. Thank you for shopping smart, shop S-mart

→ More replies

40

u/OmegaDelta9 6d ago

I love Cracker Barrel but not that kind

→ More replies

65

u/JoeSr85 6d ago

Thank you for my teddy bear and here is your $72,349.17, have a good day.

→ More replies

67

u/injuniperusveritas 6d ago

Just happened in a Seattle on Sunday, someone found a kilo of cocaine in their thrift shop purchase: https://komonews.com/news/local/woman-finds-kilo-of-cocaine-in-crochet-kit-bought-at-seattle-store

82

u/razzamatazz 6d ago

apparently i need to thrift shop more often!

10

u/MrsMI1UCAN2 6d ago

At this point in the thread I'm going to start seeing thrift shops and wondering what kind of drugs are moving in and out of there, because I've seen some occupying decent real estate and wonder how they keep going, particularly because of covid when lots of places stopped accepting new donations/inventory.

10

u/Yes_hes_that_guy 6d ago

I never thought about it before but thrift shops would be perfect for money laundering. Generally, the biggest problem is having to show that you bought inventory to fulfill the sales that you’re using to wash the dirty money. When you rely on donations for inventory, there’s no proof that you didn’t get the inventory for free that you “sold” in the fake transactions. It just never existed and it would be difficult to prove otherwise unless they had a reason to be investigating you in the first place. You could also “sell your excess donations” in bulk to shell companies.

→ More replies
→ More replies

131

u/llminor43 6d ago

Worked at an antique shop and someone put 15k worth of meth inside a coffee pot. A worker bought the coffee pot went home and was in for a surprise. A man walked in few days later and asked for her via first and last name. Very spooky.

10

u/Bird-The-Word 6d ago

"Worth" 15k in Cop numbers is like $75 in meth.

I kid, but really they inflate the value sooooo much for the papers, reports, sentence, etc.

55

u/Punishtube 6d ago

Yeah I'd put that shit back where I found it and get a return on that. Ain't worth fucking over a junkie for a coffee pot

169

u/Wheret0start 6d ago

$15k ain't junkie territory, it's dealer/gang/cartel territory, which is 10x scarier.

→ More replies

41

u/llminor43 6d ago

Luckily we had an employee who had 15 year of experience on the swat team so she called him and he confirmed it and they questioned the hell out of the person selling it.

38

u/Phobos15 6d ago

From cop to thrift store? Did he testify against another cop?

57

u/Ohhigerry 6d ago

No you're not getting it. They meant that the person had 15 years putting coffee pots inside meth for the swat team.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

29

u/xxBeatrixKiddoxx 6d ago

Yesterday cocaine found in thrift store crochet toy. An entire brick pure coke

117

u/GerardDiedOfFlu 6d ago

Why use lot word when few word do trick

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

45

u/Splickity-Lit 6d ago

Mother always knows best, but now the wrong person picked up her drop.

→ More replies

19

u/NoneHaveSufferedAsI 6d ago

Redditors have a very special relationship with humor.

→ More replies
→ More replies

2k

u/fakeburtreynolds 6d ago

Someone I know got addicted to pills. Would buy toys stuffed with pills from China. Could sneak them through customs pretty easily. This sounds like the exact same thing. Original buyer of this toy probably overdosed and their belongings ended up in this thrift store.

820

u/mahindra27 6d ago

Wow thats such an interesting theory!

→ More replies

443

u/ValyrianJedi 6d ago

I'm betting most people with 5,000 of the things are pretty big proponents of the "don't get high on your own supply" thing though.

466

u/JuiceWRLDIsntAlive 6d ago edited 6d ago

That’s a funny thing you just said there. Dealers in 2021 get high on their own supply consistently. It actually compounds the drug problem when the dealers are on drugs

Edit: The only reason I know this stuff is because I used to hate myself. It’s not “cool” to know this stuff. It’s not “fun” to conversate about drug dealing. Your world gets darker every second you think about this shit. Stop DM’ing me.

290

u/h0nest_Bender 6d ago

Dealers in 2021 get high on their own supply consistently.

I have generally known two types of dealers.
Type 1 got into selling drugs to make money. They generally don't dip into their own supply.
Type 2 is the drug dealer who figured out how to sell drugs to his/her friends and make enough profit to pay for their own drugs.

142

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

95

u/All_Work_All_Play 6d ago

Tell me you're an alcoholic without telling me you're an alcoholic.

I run a successful tavern.

→ More replies
→ More replies

44

u/lisanami 6d ago

the second kind of dealer is the one i think most people here are talking about. These dealers only make back what they earn to buy more drugs for themselves and just enough to sell to make back his money. Does not last.

17

u/IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA 6d ago

That's exactly how I got into dealing weed. It was entirely to smoke for free.

→ More replies
→ More replies

30

u/HurricaneAlpha 6d ago

I've only ever met type 2. To be fair, I only smoke weed so I'm not dealing with people that deal in other shit.

→ More replies
→ More replies

93

u/ValyrianJedi 6d ago

There is a pretty big difference in somebody selling a few grand worth of drugs to afford their own habbit and somebody selling hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of drugs.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

35

u/wittywalrus1 6d ago

This sounds at least plausible, compared to other explanations here. But of course, who knows.

→ More replies
→ More replies

287

u/Mugnath1 6d ago

I'm gonna take a bit of a guess that the original owner was a dealer/consumer and probably o.d'd. Family comes in and donates his possessions, and that includes their drug stash.

74

u/Your_acceptable 6d ago edited 6d ago

Was thinking just this, Phoenix is our definitely flooded with Fentynol dealings.

Edit: Fentanyl

Sorry, even my spell check was like: "yeah, I got nothin."

→ More replies

28

u/ThrowawayBlast 6d ago

You can always tell which table at the flea market is an estate sale in Florida. Ceramic knick knacks, some kitchen items and fifty books about Jesus.

→ More replies
→ More replies

4k

u/Shadeauxmarie 7d ago edited 6d ago

So a drug mule was telling the truth and shouldn’t have been killed.

Edit: Top rated comment is about a drug mule.

2k

u/Tripted 6d ago

Mule: "I swear! The toy with the pills accidentally got donated to Value Village and purchased by a precocious child! Me and my buddy have been engaged in a series of madcap schemes trying to get it back only to be thwarted by the kid and her pet dog each time!"

Cartel Boss: cocks gun "Yeah, sure"

381

u/Peeping_thom 6d ago

You’re killing your father, Larry

201

u/Merlin-the-Pirate 6d ago

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

48

u/dstommie 6d ago

My favorite TV edit ever.

28

u/Magus6796 6d ago

My favorite is from scarface. "Where did you get those scars tough guy?...from eating pineapples?"

→ More replies

29

u/Jimid41 6d ago

I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!

→ More replies

11

u/WadeNotSlade 6d ago

my name's Buck, and i like to Party.

12

u/GomuGomuNoSmoking 6d ago

Yipee-ki-yay, Mister Falcon!

→ More replies
→ More replies

28

u/geoffbowman 6d ago

Isn’t that the kid who lives over by the in n out burger? The one flunking social studies?

→ More replies
→ More replies

33

u/BloomsdayDevice 6d ago edited 6d ago

Value Village

Hello, fellow PNWerner!

Edit: I don't have the energy to continue to confirm or disconfirm in replies the presence of Value Villages in areas outside of the Pacific Northwest, but I will share my findings with you all:

Value Village/Savers is a chain of thrift stores headquartered in Bellevue, WA, with stores in most of the United States and Canada, as well as Australia (apparently). In the PNW and Canada, they operate under the banner Value Village, except in Quebec, where they are expectedly francophoned (Village des Valeurs). Elsewhere in the US and in Australia, they use the banner Savers.

Outside of the PNW and Canada, the name "Value Village" appears on stores that are, as far as I can tell, unaffiliated with the Savers/VV corporation. So, yes, you may well have a Value Village in Regina or Hamilton, or even a store with the same name (but different corporate ties) in Memphis or Rochester, and I'm sorry for leaving you out!

What I've learned today is humility. I assumed too soon that OP up there was a compatriot of mine, though it's quite likely that they are from some other part of the English (or French!) speaking world. I've also learned that there are comparatively few viable names for a successful thrift store, and that most of them use the words "value" or "save".

8

u/actuarally 6d ago

I don't remember that Animaniac.

→ More replies
→ More replies

197

u/toolsoftheincomptnt 6d ago

No no, they still get killed bc oopsie or not, alllllllll that money is gone.

If they were still alive when this news story broke, boy oh boy are they dead now.

216

u/LordDongler 6d ago

5000 fentanyl pills are worth close to nothing at production cost. Like 15 cents per pill. Not worth it to kill anyone over

You kill them because they exposed the operation, not because of the money

150

u/Swineflew1 6d ago

Bruh, people out here killing other people for cutting them off in traffic, let alone costing them any amount of money or time invested.
I mean, you’re not factoring the opportunity costs of those pills. Sure you lost out in production costs, but you’ve actually lost the street value of those pills too.

33

u/itty53 6d ago

Bruh, people out here killing other people for cutting them off in traffic, let alone costing them any amount of money or time invested.

The difference is the people killing over being cut off are fucking stupid and not criminal billionaires.

The guys pushing pills across the oceans are not fucking stupid. They're making money hand over fist. Murder charges bring a lot more heat than a single bag of pills.

Watch some old smugglers do interviews. Stuff gets lost all the time, and they weren't killed. One doc, Cocaine Cowboys, they discuss a shipment of coke getting taken down by DEA in the ocean that was worth something like 40 million dollars. The Columbians were angry thinking the American smugglers stole it. The American smugglers insisted it was a DEA sting. So the Columbians -- being not stupid -- demanded evidence: "Show us the newspaper that reported the big takedown". The news hadn't hit yet so the American smugglers were nervous. The following day an article released on the takedown, they supplied it to the smugglers and the smugglers decided "Sorry for the trouble, that's no problem, we'll send another shipment". End of discussion.

Smugglers accept and expect over half their shipments to fail. It's a numbers game, for every 4 that fails, if one gets through then they're making profit. They can tolerate failure all day long, they can't tolerate a lack of trust. You steal from them, you die, doesn't matter if you stole a single gram. That's a breech of trust. But if they refused to work with anyone who might possibly get arrested or caught, they wouldn't have a business at all.

→ More replies

59

u/LuberLibreTTV 6d ago

Murder has it's downsides beyond moral hazard

48

u/CONNOR_RK900 6d ago

Fuck, well, why didn’t you tell me that earlier?

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

315

u/htownchuck 6d ago

Somewhere in the world a drug dealer is wondering where his shit is at.

100

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

68

u/gobstoppers96 6d ago

Honestly there are some tiny pills out there

→ More replies

73

u/ValyrianJedi 6d ago

Fentanyl pills are like the size of Nerds candy.

27

u/Alamander81 6d ago

A beanie babie filled with Fentanyl probably just feels like a beanie baby.

→ More replies

37

u/spikeyfreak 6d ago

The picture in the article is of a glo worm toy. They're pretty big. I'm also really surprised they're still a thing. My little brother had one 35+ years ago.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

1k

u/KuhjaKnight 7d ago

That’s a pretty good RoI. Why are they upset?

771

u/Dumpo2012 7d ago

Man, I never find shitloads of drugs stuffed into anything I buy.

355

u/Miserable_homey 6d ago

This reminds me of the broken promise of Halloween drugs. I never got any.

277

u/Dahhhkness 6d ago

DARE kind of glossed over the concept of unit economics and the fact that drugs cost money. Growing up, I thought I'd be getting smoked up by friendly local dealers all the time, but it turned out to be another cruel lie, like Santa Claus.

156

u/JohnDivney 6d ago

There he was, swinging his pimp cane and space truckin' across the playground. He saw me watching him and flashed me a diamond-studded grill. I could see the bulges in his trenchcoat where unimaginable joy awaited. If only he would share. If only he would offer drugs. To me.

My fingers gripped the chain link fence of the baseball backstop. "Firss one's fwee?" I still had that little kid lisp in the second grade.

"Don't believe everything you see in movies, kid." He shot back as he did a pirouette and moonwalk.

A tear formed in the corner of my eye.

→ More replies

31

u/uppercrustbloodlust 6d ago

no lie! they always depicted junkies laying in alleyways just itching to inject unsuspecting kids with syringes filled with smack.. then i get strung out and spend the next 15 years working what seems like two full time jobs scheming on money to not be sick. what a scam!

→ More replies

15

u/joshuajackson9 6d ago

What do you mean a lie like Santa, santa is not fake right?

→ More replies
→ More replies

40

u/Alwaysfavoriteasian 6d ago

Just like the time I was told LSD could get me high twice. Once when I do the drug than a flashback which is very similar to the first time. It never happened though. Just more LIES from Big LSD. -Norm McDonald paraphrased of course.

9

u/7788445511220011 6d ago

I like how afaik he's never really touched drugs or much booze, but in his "memoir" he's constantly doing morphine. And shitting on Adam Egert.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

27

u/boomshiki 6d ago edited 6d ago

I’m reminded of this old lady I heard about over the radio a bunch of years back. She bought some shitty Corolla or something used from a dealership, but the passengers window didn’t work. She just puts up with it for years before finally taking it in to get it looked at. They removed the panel to the door and found it PACKED with vaccume sealed bags of weed. It started a slew of listeners calling in to muse if it was still smokable

16

u/sokatzr 6d ago

when vacuum is auto corrected to vaccine, you know the pandemic comments have been flying.

11

u/Reloaded9mm 6d ago

So smoke weed and get vaccinated at the same time. That sounds like a huge money maker to me. What does it vaccinate against?

→ More replies

11

u/teebob21 6d ago

vaccine sealed bags of weed.

Goddamn anti-vax DEA

→ More replies
→ More replies

25

u/TobaccoIsRadioactive 6d ago

See, this is why I always insist on eating any toys my kids get before letting them play with them. Can’t risk letting my kids get all the good drugs.

→ More replies

53

u/mikechi2501 6d ago

They are upset since they stupidly reported this "find" and had the Feds descend upon their house and tear through their personal finances, interrogate them for days and rip open all the other kid toys.

If they were smart they would have kept their mouth shut and continued letting their daughter step on that smack and push out that Fentanyl. Bitch was a big seller at the sandbox. Billy is going to be hella dopesick come Wednesday.

→ More replies

37

u/imanAholebutimfunny 6d ago

because the daughter wanted to sell them and keep all the profit

→ More replies
→ More replies

850

u/Kringeworthy 6d ago

I'm gonna pop some tabs only got 20 dollar in my pocket

399

u/thegigsup 6d ago edited 6d ago

Is that... is that what that lyric means? How tf did I miss that? For years I’ve wondered why it was censored on the radio, but I literally thought the lyrics were “I’m gonna pop some tags” and couldn’t figure out what was bad about that. Didn’t care enough to Google and dang.

Edit: wtf no you’re just making a great joke. Will leave this comment up as a receipt for how tragic I am.

414

u/MermaidZombie 6d ago

No, it's definitely not what it meant, if you're being serious. The comments you're replying to is a joke and it actually is "tags."

→ More replies

125

u/potatohats 6d ago

I guess the real question is, why was your radio station censoring "tags"?

95

u/thegigsup 6d ago

Oklahoma is equally as tragic as my comment lol. Some Christian was probably feeling wild that day.

27

u/WineNerdAndProud 6d ago

I'm in the midwest and I feel this in my frozen soul.

Interestingly, I served time at a Catholic School where we had dances (at which the teachers actually said "leave room for Jesus" when kids danced together), and yet they played that 90's R&B song about dancing with a boner at every single dance.

→ More replies

66

u/Cougar_9000 6d ago

They think its code for stealing. Its not he was just making fun of Kanye for extravagantly spending money on clothing. Mack has to "pop tags" at the thrift store because he only has $20

21

u/OneOfTheOnly 6d ago

Think it's just about expensive clothes in general my dude, got nothing to do with Kanye

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

84

u/Lights_Out_Luthor 6d ago

Maybe the owner OD’d and left behind this secret stash which was donated along with other belongings of the deceased.

→ More replies

60

u/yesiamveryhigh 6d ago

*Dealer puts 10.000 pills in toy. Family: “5,000”
Police: “2,000”
Chief: “500”
Inventory: “100”

→ More replies

25

u/jabberwagon 6d ago

Good on the parents for cleaning and inspecting that shit before giving it to their kid. If the child had found the bag and thought "oooh, candy!" this story would have a very different tone.

→ More replies

24

u/crokinoleworld 6d ago

There's an old movie called Wait Until Dark. Audrey Hepburn. Heroin in a doll.

→ More replies

21

u/free_billstickers 6d ago

Somewhere macklemore is cutting open all if his thrift store buys looking for a new revenue stream

→ More replies

63

u/toejamandtoast 6d ago

There’s a hole in the desert and at the bottom is the man who made this mistake.

→ More replies

128

u/RelevantBossBitch 6d ago

"Family finds retirement plan inside child's toy"

12

u/supaphly42 6d ago

Police? Yes, I'd like to report something, I found 10 thou, err, I mean 5 thousand pills in this toy!

→ More replies
→ More replies

19

u/yesitsyourmom 6d ago

I recommend no one ever buys a thrift store stuffed animal. Those things always look nasty.

7

u/serenwipiti 6d ago

Two words:

BED

BUGS

→ More replies
→ More replies

15

u/RumoCrytuf 6d ago

Somewhere, someone is being brutally murdered.

11

u/starmartyr11 6d ago

Funny enough I ordered a very specific stuffed toy from China on Amazon and it showed up with a hole ripped open in it's back...

It took months longer to arrive than it was meant to already and it was a very late gift so we kept it and had it fixed; but there were many jokes made about the toy having been violated and having been used as a drug mule, for sure

I believe it was maybe overzealous customs agents, but who really knows..

→ More replies

280

u/seriousnotshirley 6d ago

I find this a really interesting way to move drugs. Imagine this: the idea is that the dealer donates toys to a thrift store, the buyer knows what toys they are supposed to buy from said thrift store but they didn't make the buy in time. There's no deal going down to get caught up in, and if you're smart you don't even touch any of it, you just arrange for other people to donate toys for you.

381

u/greatshock5 6d ago

This is a bad plan because thrift stores like Goodwill move their stuff around from store to store.

77

u/mirandaleecon 6d ago

They also throw TONS of their donations into the trash.

39

u/Jrea0 6d ago

Ive seen broken toys and stained underwear at the thrift store near me. If those made the cut to sell I can only imagine what people donated that the thrift store threw away.

22

u/mirandaleecon 6d ago

I think it all depends on the store and the knowledge of people processing donations. Some of those people don’t give a shit because they are paid slave wages and some just don’t know the value of things.

11

u/RakeNI 6d ago

Yep. Volunteered at an Oxfam here in the UK and there were occasionally some lazy cunts in there that were in either trying to get work experience as a teenager, or their mothers were forcing them to do it, or some other reason, and they'd just not bother to check most shit, dropping it into either pile (keep or throw) at a moments glance.

Also, fuck the people donating stained underwear and clothes with fist-sized holes in them. Charity shops have this stereotype of being filled with scuffed, broken and ripped items and clothes, but in reality if you actually go into them, the people checking the clothes and toys are total puritans and will throw stuff out (to be recycled) even if it has a tiny finger sized hole in one of the pockets. Almost everything in there is in good-as-new condition and its priced at probably a tenth of the original.

I got the entire Game of Thrones book set for £1 as an example.

→ More replies
→ More replies

16

u/StrangeLikeNormal 6d ago

I work at a thrift store and trust me you truly don’t!! Never found a fentanyl teddy bear, but we’ve found crack, an entire brick of weed, needles, a loaded gun, dead animals, human teeth, etc. it’s wild.

10

u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

133

u/seriousnotshirley 6d ago

The big ones do but there are plenty of small ones.

If I were doing it I’d have some inside folks to work with as well.

Yes, my plan is half baked but only because I don’t have a need to flesh out the plan completely because I’m definitely not using thrift stores as a mule. I’m confident I could fully bake this plan.

30

u/worrymon 6d ago

because I’m definitely not using thrift stores as a mule

Ok, then what are you using as a mule?

46

u/duhmonstaaa 6d ago

Personally, I like to use the offspring of a horse and a donkey.

But I’m somewhat of a traditionalist.

18

u/HeinousAss 6d ago

Where does one buy honkeys?

26

u/2th 6d ago

GOP rallies I guess.

15

u/duhmonstaaa 6d ago

The US Congress seems to be the best place.

→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies
→ More replies

37

u/HandHoldingClub 6d ago

Too great of a risk of losing product.

There's easier contactless methods of transferring products.

Off the top of my head you could get a good lock and have 2 keys or combinations. Person A puts it in a gym bad and locks it at the gym. Person B shows up later and picks it up.

26

u/Lazercat5846 6d ago

I worked at a university and a student got caught doing that at the gym!

→ More replies

18

u/uncleclifford 6d ago

Definitely not a deal. This probably happened from a landlord cleaning out a rental.

38

u/caveman19923 6d ago

Most likely what happened is the guy ordered these on the dark web. I’ve had cocaine shipped to me wrapped in a rice and stuffed instead a teddy bear. I think the person got it in the mail probably went to jail to or died maybe over overdosed but the family donated a nice toy they found in the their sons belongings. And the new family bought it from the thrift store

→ More replies

9

u/SantainSeptember 6d ago

Yeah this is a scooby doo plan, when they could just get a person to move it.

9

u/das_war_ein_Befehl 6d ago

This kinda convoluted and pointless

→ More replies

65

u/Nuf-Said 6d ago

Thank God the child didn’t find and eat one of the pills. It could have easily killed her

15

u/dlini 6d ago

Yup. My cousins and I found a VERY large bottle of blue pills in a backyard doll house. We played “candy store”, like Willie Wonka. And yes, we ate them. Nearly all of them.

When an adult came to find us, the fun was most certainly over. I had never seen a look like that on an adults face before (sheer horror and panic). And never had I ever, been thrown into a car and raced to the hospital.

So, as the ER doctor pumped air into my stomach, I cried because it hurt so much, my cousins started vomiting on their own, without the painful air (yes, I still hold that grudge). Then we all got to drink black “milkshakes”(charcol).

What we children didn’t know at the time was that the house was formerly owned by a dentist. The pills turned out to be flouride. We were all fine in the end, but I never took a flouride tab again (they used to make us do that in elementary school and at the dentist).

→ More replies

41

u/MewtwoStruckBack 6d ago

Whenever someone turns over drugs to authorities, they should be given a certain percentage of street value for doing so, I'd say 50%. (This should also be the case for any "DEA Take-Back" days where police have setups for people to bring prescription medication that's no longer needed.)

→ More replies

11

u/Deadinside0094 6d ago

The street value of that can buy you one bitcoin

→ More replies

27

u/droldman 6d ago

Jackpot! I have to start thrifting more

→ More replies

8

u/sunnytimes68 6d ago

i like the last paragraph .. "In 2015, a New Jersey mom bought a $500 “handmade” mermaid doll filled with cocaine from Etsy. Investigators later determined that the Etsy shop based in Alabama used mer-baby dolls as a front for smuggling drugs." ..

fuck i hope it was full of cocaine for that price.

15

u/Captcha_Imagination 6d ago

What is one of these pills worth? I think you can cut a lot of heroin with one pill.

32

u/Ffffqqq 6d ago

These pills are essentially "cut" oxycodone pills. They weigh about 100 mg and contain 1-2 mg of fentanyl. They cost pennies to make, get sold in bulk for a few dollars a pop, and the real product they are counterfeiting sells for upwards of $30 retail on the streets. There's a DEA report that shows the average pill contained 1.7 mg, ~588k pills from a kilo of fentanyl that could cost as low as 20k

https://www.drugsdata.org/results.php?search_field=all&s=M30

→ More replies
→ More replies

17

u/magnificentbastid 6d ago

forbidden pez dispenser

16

u/Powderstones 6d ago

Italian guy in a tracksuit shows up: There’s been a little mixup, I’m gonna need ya daughta’s toys ma’am

→ More replies

30

u/TheOtherJeff 6d ago

Police estimate the street value of the drugs at $5,000,000,000

/s

11

u/PopPopPoppy 6d ago

They'd probably say $150,000 (30x5000) but ARV is $25,000 - $75,000

→ More replies
→ More replies

7

u/BarefootUnicorn 6d ago

Wow! They got a great deal!

17

u/laszlo 6d ago

There is no fucking way I would have called the cops if I found that. Not saying I would have kept it either. But absolutely would not invite police into my home with 5000 pills no matter how innocently it got there.

7

u/literallytwisted 6d ago

Considering it's AZ and there's a lot of cartel activity I definitely wouldn't want the media publicising my name. I also wouldn't necessarily trust the local authorities there based on personal experience, Drug smuggling is the largest business in that state and you never know who's getting paid.

→ More replies